How to cope with non-empathetic family?
I'm 27, in debt, can't leave yet because credit score is garbage and I have chronic depression. My greatest dream is to be left alone by my family, who just wants to hold me here to help pay for their substance and clean up after them when all I want is to live on my own. They don't even support me in that. I became recently engaged and when I told them (mom and stepdad), mom was just sort of horrified and stepdad looked up from his telephone looking annoyed. They just do not care about my happiness and I am at a loss for what to do.
To summarize, my mom married my biological father despite tons of red flags and stayed with him for about 22 years, until I mustered up the courage to speak her that on top of my dad being alcoholic, abusive, and very violent, he sexually abused me from the age of 6 to 17. This man was the devil to me and I was always so terrified of him that I could not speak anything to anyone. Anyways, he was sent to jail, and it was very difficult for my 22 year old self to cope at the time after finally being free of him. My mother didn't care about how I felt and just wanted me to immediately try to help her out with money, but I fell into a deep depression and went to therapy. I was afraid of men obviously because of my father and another guys who attempted to take advantage of me as a teen (most of them from HIS side of the family, gross) but my mom immediately wanted to replace him with somebody else.
She PROMISED me that she would only bring men near only if me and my siblings were suitable with him, and that he wouldn't move in unless I was suitable. That never happened. Despite her knowing how I felt about male strangers, my soon-to-be stepdad moved into our home and I was just devastated. That process took about 2 years. I have never felt so betrayed and tossed aside more than I did at that moment. My stepdad has never stopped making me feel inconvenient. He makes weird sexual innuendos about me and my fiancee, and even once commented on my body (gained some weight) after my mom invited him to. Luckily I met the perfect guy and we dated for more than a year, he is the only man I don't feel inconvenient with even in the slightest, and is very understanding and our communication is strong. He has one semester left till he finishes college and then will join the Air Force. The only thing I am looking forward to is moving in together with him and getting married.
I do not know how to cope with my family and I know that I just don't belong there with them. I indeed want to move out, but even keeping a job is difficult with depression and I have been working for over 5 years until now. I got kicked out of my room because they brought my stepdad's daughter from other country and now I'm in a little room with my younger brother. There are another details but the tale would be way too long. Any questions would be welcomed, and any advice would be very appreciated.
Was this article helpful? Yes -0 No -0 5 Posted by: 👨 Mildred M. Hoyle